


I Want You to Love Me Like Her

by 1Shaliah (orphan_account)



Category: Emma Swan - Fandom, Once Upon A Time - Fandom, Regina Mills - Fandom, Ruby Lucas - Fandom, swan queen - Fandom
Genre: Drama, F/F, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-28
Updated: 2017-04-28
Packaged: 2018-10-24 23:34:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10752090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/1Shaliah
Summary: So here I am, sitting right beside you, trying desperately to hold on to me and not give in to you and who you want me to be. SQ





	I Want You to Love Me Like Her

**Author's Note:**

> Long time no see, this is a one shot that was inspired by events that have recently happened in my life. But I changed it up a bit to fit the storyline and characters more. I don't know if it's any good or not, but I felt like I just needed to get it all out and why not publish it? Anyways thank you to whoever gives this little one a shot. (It's a one-shot btw) Be warned that Emma is portrayed OOC.
> 
> You= Regina
> 
> Her= Ruby
> 
> You guys will understand that key after reading this. I also posted this on FF.net there are some subtle differences (mostly corrections) in this one.

It's... laughable at how desperate I have become in your presence, oh so very comical. I suppose I could, no I would laugh along with everyone else had it not been at my own expense. I'm not really sure how it came to this particular moment that made me realize... I furrow my eyebrows and swipe a few strands of hair behind my ear.

This is my sixth drink tonight, I've been counting. I know I'm drunk, and maybe that's why the single act seems like it's too much for me right now. I bat my eyes as I tear them away from cup and drag them to the dance floor.

And there you are, looking and acting as if you were someone I'd never met before. You're radiant, glowing, vibrant and full of life. You're admittedly a pretty good dancer as well. Your movements hypnotize me and for a moment I can't take my eyes away.

I remember when I asked you to dance, you looked up at me, ever so shyly and softly said "I'm sorry Ms. Swan, but I don't partake in that kind of thing." I accepted that. So we sat there. But I can't figure out for the life of me why you are moving so effortlessly on the dance floor now.

And as I sit here longingly, forgotten at the bar, I can't help but think of every time before this one, when you were cold and scathing. I can't help but be a little... heartbroken.

My face crumples and in a hasty attempt to escape, to avoid being seen by anyone, I drop from my bar stool rather ungraciously and leave as swiftly as I can.

And I almost get away...

"Emma?"

I swipe anxiously at my eyes before I turn around to face you.

"What happened? Are you okay?" You're not concerned. I know it, and somehow I let myself believe that you are.

"Nothing, I'm fine... I just got a little tired is all."

You can tell that I'm lying, and I try to take a few tentative steps back as you step forward. Two strong hands pull me close before I can fully register what's happening. "Careful, you'll step into the street... are you drunk?" You search my eyes, but I avoid your gaze.

"No."

"You're lying. Why have you been crying?"

I squeeze my eyes shut as tightly as I can, and it must be the alcohol because for a moment I think that I can just disappear into thin air. For a moment I think that when I open my eyes you won't be there, pretending to care about me.

But when I open them my heart breaks again. There you are, and you're always my affliction. "Nothing is wrong." And I kick myself internally when my voice cracks and my bottom lip quivers. How can I pretend to be strong when I'm so vulnerable around you?

  
I feel a soft hand lift my chin, encouraging me to meet your gaze, and warm brown eyes stare at me in a way that may have actually been mistaken for... love had I not known any better. And to be quite honest, it makes me angry.

"Screw you Regina." I say before forcefully breaking from your hold. "So what if I walk into the street? Don't act like you'd be hurt by it. You wouldn't even care." I inhale a staggered breath before I begin to walk away. I curse myself with every step. You weren't supposed to see me hurting. You weren't supposed to see me cry.

And despite how angry I am, the hopeless part of my heart wills me to turn around. If you're still there, then I'll apologize. I'll beg you to forget everything I just said. The coldest bucket of water is dumped on me when I see that you aren't there anymore. Sobering.

You are a lot of things to me... in fact, I can confidently say that you have become my everything... but I, Emma Swan, mean nothing to you.

X

It's not until a week later before I come into contact with you again, and it's not because you've arranged it. It's purely by coincidence.

You sit on the barstool next to me at Granny's before Ruby can return with my order, and at first I don't notice you. At least not until you nudge me with your shoulder and smile at me in the way that you do... as if nothing has happened.

"Let me guess, you got the bacon, egg and cheese sandwich?" Your prop your head up on your hand and flash me a friendly smile. And I just stare at you in a bit of disbelief for a moment. "Well?" You prod.

"U-uh, yea..." I snap my attention forward. I feel slightly embarrassed and hurt that my little outburst last week has done nothing to inspire you. It didn't motivate you to check on me or even bring it up now. I can feel my cheeks heat up. I try my best to cover it by readjusting my glasses.

"Of course, you're so predictable." You scoff and it's in a playful manner, but I don't feel playful. There was one point in time where I thought your teasing was endearing and cute, now, after everything, I feel as if you're mocking me.

"I guess." I shrug one of my shoulders.

You look around the diner until you find something worth pointing out, just as you always do. "She's gorgeous, don't you think?"

My eyes drift to a woman that is sitting at a table not too far from us, and she is beautiful. But my eyes don't linger, not her. I find myself looking at you before I mumble "yea, I guess..." I hate playing this game with you. The game where you find any and everyone else to swoon over except me. Is that selfish? I think so... it's why I tend to give in and play with you anyway... even though you know how I feel.

You turn around with the cutest little frown etched on your lips. "Is that all you can say today? That's all I get from you now, just a 'yea I guess?'." I don't answer not right away, because I want to say "yea, I guess" but I know that answer wouldn't quite appease you.

"I just... I want to know."

"What would you like to know?"

"I wanna know... how you do it."

"Do what, Ms. Swan?" I can see your your jawline pulse, you're not too keen on beating around the bush. You've told me that before. You'd rather I just be upfront with you. But that's not me, and let's face it the last time I threw caution to the wind and tried things your way, I got burned. So here I am, sitting right beside you, trying desperately to hold on to me and not give in to you and who you want me to be.

"How do you... pretend like everything is okay?"

You straighten your back and raise your eyebrows as if to say 'oh, that.' "I don't have to pretend, not if everything _is_ okay Ms. Swan."

And I nod in agreement, but I find myself protesting anyhow. "But things are not okay, not between us anyway. So how do you sit here as if everything is fine?"

You regard me in a way that makes me regret ever asking you anything. I know you're about to say something that will hurt me and that's why I try to ignore the nagging questions that plague my brain when I am around you. But sometimes, like right now, I just want to get inside your head. "I just want to know your intentions." I add quietly.

"This is hardly the place to have that conversation, Emma."

I adjust my glasses again, nervous habit. "Then when, or where?"

You sigh heavily before turning away from me to face forward. "What do you want from me?" Sometimes you make me feel as if I am an inconvenience, as if my feelings for you are wrong.

I blink rapidly as I take on the load of that question. "I just want you to be honest."

"I _am_ being honest. I haven't been dishonest with you yet. You keep treating me like I've done something to you. Like I've hurt you."

You have though. You've hurt me worse than anybody has ever hurt me. But I refrain. Granny's is hardly the place to have an emotional break down. "I just... I don't understand you."

You look down at your menu as if you're done with the conversation, like you're not even listening to me anymore. Every time I try to talk about things that go beyond what's on the surface, you shut down. You do this to me and it gets to me every time. You don't respond so I can only assume that you _are_ done listening to me. See, it's this type of thing that I don't understand about you. How can you just shut me out like that? As if I'm not sitting beside you on the verge of tears? Like my pain means nothing to you.

Ruby brings me my order shortly after and takes yours before she leaves. You don't apologize, like I hope you will and I don't try to talk to you again. I only stay for a few moments after my food is placed in front of me. I don't have an appetite anymore and I no longer wish to be in your presence.

So I leave, and I hesitate at the door. I tell myself that if you're staring after me, like I hope that you are, I'll come back and sit with you. But when I look back, you're carelessly scrolling on your cellphone as if I was never there.

X

"Is that a good book?"

I jolt a little at the surprising voice. It makes me close my book and shove it in my bag as if I'd been doing something wrong.

"Sorry I didn't mean to scare you." She smiles beautifully at me while holding her hands up in mock surrender. "I just saw you over here and thought I'd say hello." She extends her hand for me to shake. "My name is Ruby. I work at Granny's diner..." But I already know that about her. I read her name plate and she always takes my order. "But I'm guessing you know that because, you're one of our regulars."

I sigh softly and nod. "Yea, but I've never met you outside of the diner." I take her hand and shake it firmly. "My name is Emma."

There's that smile again. I feel myself mirroring her before I realize that I'm actually smiling back. Our hands linger, or she hesitates to let go. I can't really be too sure. "It's very nice to meet you Emma... outside of work." She adds hastily. She seems nervous.

For a moment she stands there awkwardly and before she decides to walk away I quickly motion to the seat in front of me. "Um, I don't know if you're busy or if you were heading out, but I would like some company."

"Yea?" She asks with a hint of playfulness in her voice and I nod in response. That is all the invitation she needs before she eagerly takes her seat in front of me. We fall into a comfortable conversation. Talking to her is oddly refreshing and different. She seems so happy just to be here and I didn't expect this. I didn't expect her but she is such a warm welcome I can't help but get slightly carried away.

"Let me get you another one of those." She points to my empty mug once she notices that I'd finished my coffee.

"Oh no, it's fine. I can get it myself."

"Don't be silly," She grabs her wallet and moves to go order another coffee, and I move to stop her but she turns and says "two sugars and light on the cream right?"

  
I'm momentarily stunned into silence as I feel my cheeks flush. I'm not even sure why I'm embarrassed right now. "Yea- h-how did you know that?" I push my glasses further up on my face. "Because I'm predictable right?" I ask in a self-loathing manner as thoughts of _you_ flash in my brain.

She smiles and shakes her head. "No, not at all. I just- I pay attention I guess... well that, and I take your order nearly everyday and I've noticed that's how you like your coffee."

I don't know why I'm so taken by that. I don't know why those are the sweetest words that have graced my ears in a very long time. So what she memorized my coffee order? I shouldn't be impressed or flattered, but I am anyway.

"Okay." I say softly as I let her go.

When she returns with two mugs in her hand I can't help but feel a little curious. "How do you like your coffee?" She flashes me an amusing smile.

"Why? Do you plan on making me coffee one of these days?"

I sense the flirtation in her voice and it makes me nervous so I fix my glasses even though they sit perfectly on my face. "You know how I like mine." I shrug.

"Oh, so it's only fair?" She smiles and nods. "I actually don't like coffee. It's hot chocolate, and oddly I like it with cinnamon instead of marshmallows." She divulges and I drink in the way her blood red lips wrap around the rim of the cup as she sips.

And somehow my coffee seems so unextraordinary all of a sudden. It isn't different, not like how her hot chocolate is different, and honestly who cares? But I find myself not wanting my coffee any more, I want what she's having.

"I'll have to try it some day." I adjust my glasses again and I take a sip of my mundane coffee.

"I like how you keep adjusting your glasses even though you're not really moving them."

There was my blush again, I try to hide behind my cup but the coffee is too hot. So I'm forced to face her with cheeks as red as tomatoes.

"Oh don't be embarrassed." She places her hand delicately atop of mine. "I find it endearing."

We have a moment. A cliché moment that we've all seen in a typical romcom movie. A moment where their eyes meet in a charge filled staring match. It's both kind of awkward and romantic. And we all think 'how cliché, that never happens in real life.' But this isn't a movie and it's happening.

But I can't let myself have this, not entirely.

Because of _you_... Because I love _you_. And the guilt that comes with that realization causes me to look away completely. But I don't think she minds.

X

  
Her laugh becomes my favorite thing to hear. Her smile, my favorite thing to see. She's become important to me in a way that I think I understand. I have everything all figured out, until you show up. It's been weeks since I last saw you in the diner, and had I not met her, I would've broken somewhere along the way and searched for you.

But when I have her, you become obsolete, that is, until you are placed right in front of me.

My heart stopped when our eyes met from across the bar. I suddenly feel guilty for being here with her. As if _I've_ done something wrong. As if _she's_ done something wrong. As if _you_ haven't spent the better part of two years pushing me away and pretending that I haven't meant anything to you at all.

She must've sensed my quietness and she looks in the direction that my eyes are staring. "That's your friend right?" She inquires and I snap my attention towards her. "She sits with you sometimes at the bar." She explains.

"Yea, I guess you could say that... she's a friend."

She doesn't say anything for a while and when I look back to see if you're still there I find that you are not. In fact you left the bar completely and I'm automatically disappointed, as if that emotion is attached to you somehow.

"Do you like her?" She asks quietly, sounding like she doesn't really want to know the answer at all.

I don't lie, I can't with her. Besides, something tells me she knows the answer anyway. "Yea... I guess." I respond with a sadness that comes with speaking about you.

"What? Is that all I get?" And I look at her in a way that she doesn't quite understand. How could she have known that she sounded just like you when she said that?

"What else do you want me to say? I answered your question." I shrug.

She shakes her head and looks to the ceiling. "Is she an ex...?"

"No." I answer quickly.

"Then... what happened between you two?" She looks at me and I look back at her and I have the overwhelming urge to apologize to her. I haven't done anything, but I suppose I know why. Deep down I know why I need to apologize.

"I'm in love with her, and I have been since I've met her." She looks at me as if I've just confirmed everything she has been thinking. "But she's Regina Mills and anyone who knows her, knows that she is incapable of returning such a sentiment." I comb my finger through my hair roughly as I fix my gaze on anything else aside from the woman sitting beside me. "We started off as friends and like I said I fell in love, but she made it easy for me. And I thought we were on the same page, we even... well you know... we- did _things_ and as we lay together tired and high off of each other I thought it would be the perfect time to tell her my feelings. I mean if you could've seen the way she looked at me, and her smile. The way she caressed my hair and snuggled so closely to me, I knew she felt the same. So I told her that I loved her... and I ruined everything."

"She backed away from me as if I was some intruder. She looked disgusted with me all of a sudden and it killed me. She made me leave, and I apologized countless times, I didn't know what I had done. She ignored my pleading and threw my clothes at me and screamed for me to leave. So I did. I couldn't really fight her anymore. I tried to contact her the day after, days after, weeks, months even. But nothing. Then out of the blue she came back into my life acting as though nothing, literally nothing had ever happened between us."

"And I tried to talk to her about everything but she refuses. I don't think anything that happened affected her in any particular way. I don't think she cares if I'm hurting. She never has." I shrug.

She's quiet for a long while after I finish talking. It's an awkward silence between us, the first time this has ever happened. It makes me uncomfortable because I'm so used to things flowing between us, I hadn't really stopped to think what it would be like if things weren't so easy between us anymore.

"I'm sorry." I finally say.

"She doesn't deserve you." She says bitterly.

"But... you do." I respond and she blinks rapidly with her mouth slightly agape.

"I'll never have you will I?" She questions softly.

And all I can venture to say is a weak "I'm sorry."

X

"Let me guess, coffee. Two sugars, very light cream."

I turn my head to see you hopping up in the seat next to me at Granny's. My heart pounds a little at the sight of you. It's been nearly a month since our last encounter.

"No, hot chocolate with cinnamon." I smile and I turn my head to see her staring at us as subtly as she can as she pretends to type something in the register. I send her a wink and she blushes form the embarrassment of being caught. She sends a warm smile and a small wave my way.

"So you've changed a bit since the last time we spoke... what inspired you to stray away from your normal routine?"

I turn back to look at you and shrug one of my shoulders.

"It's her isn't it." She points with her eyes towards Ruby.

"It's her favorite and I don't know, I think it's becoming mine too."

You look at me in a way that I think I've looked at you a million times before, like you don't know me. Like you're not sure whose sitting beside you. But it's me, I swear it. "So who is she?" You avoid eye contact. "To you? I saw you two at the bar the other night."

"We were having drinks."

"That's typically what you do at a bar Ms. Swan."

I shrug and take another sip of my hot chocolate. "I suppose so." I think I may actually be enjoying this a little too much. You never cared to ask me questions like this before. Maybe you feel threatened by her. But why would you? You made sure that we never progressed into anything.

"You're playing coy."

"No, I'm answering the questions you ask." I correct.

You sigh and shake your head. "So then who is she to you?"

"A friend."

"Just a friend, Ms. Swan?"

I shrug again. "She doesn't call me 'Ms. Swan' if that's what you're asking." I can't help but to go down this road. "She calls me Emma." I say softly. "And she talks to me about things that are hard to talk about for both of us." I say pointedly. "And she doesn't push me away, in fact she welcomes me... she's everything that I wish you were." I say with sort of a glare.

And when my eyes finally meet yours I can't help the slight gasp that leaves my lips. There are unshed tears. This may be a silly thought, but I never thought that I could say anything to you, aside from those three infamous words to evoke emotion.

I regret my urge to be petty earlier. I hate the way you're looking at me... I know that look. It's the same look I give to you. I hurt you.

"Regina, I'm so-"

"One grilled cheese sandwich." Ruby chirps before she places my food in front of me. She asks to take your order but you wave her off dismissively without ever looking up at her. She turns to me to defend her, but I only sink in my seat. She storms off. My eyes follow her.

You also make an exit and I hesitate for a moment looking in both directions feeling unsure of who to go after. So in my true cowardly nature I sit at the bar, and I don't chase either of you. I can't choose. Not now.

X

It's the middle of the night and I can't think of who's at my door for the life of me. I put my glasses on and I don't even look into the peep hole. I simply swing the door open and all I feel is two lips crashing into mine. I don't even register who's on the other side. Not until you pull away, and even then my hazy brain has to catch up to register everything.

"Regina? What are you doing here?"

"Emma, I'm losing you." You cry. "I'm losing to _her_ and I hate it. It's tearing me apart."

"Regina..." I pull her by the arm into my apartment and lead her to the couch. "Do you maybe want water or juice or... something?" I ask nervously. You shake your head and decline all of my offers. "What do you want Regina? Tell me how I can make the tears stop."

You don't answer, not with words anyway. You simply scoot impossibly close and lay your head on my shoulder. I feel your arms snake around my waist, and my whole body shivers from the proximity.

I don't know how long we sit here like this, in silence with the occasional sniffle from you. My thoughts are racing, my heart is pounding and I know I'm shaking. I just hope that you don't notice.

"I love you too Emma."

My entire body steels and I feel as if I'm going to pass out. I do the only thing I can think to do.

I push you away, almost in the same manner that you did so long ago. "W-what?"

"I love you. Please tell me I haven't ruined this. Please tell me you forgive me."

I open my mouth only to shut it. I want to say something, but I can't think of anything.

"I was afraid okay? I know that can't be an excuse but I never thought I'd be losing you. Emma you don't know what happened to me in my past, you don't know what I've been through and why I can't- _we_ can't do this. But I also can't lose you. I'd- I won't survive it."

"So..." my upper lip curls in disgust as I feel tears spring from my eyes and slide down my cheek. "That's what this is? You don't love me Regina." And you go to protest but I stop you. "And don't try to tell me that you do because you don't. You're just afraid of losing me. It's what you just said and that isn't equivalent to love. In fact it's pretty selfish."

"No, wait I didn't mean it like that."

"Oh yea? Then how'd you mean it? Because, you showing up here crying and telling me you love me only after you see a glimpse of my relationship with Ruby makes it seem like you only 'love' me when it conveniently keeps me where you want me. What about all of those times I practically begged you to talk to me? What about that night?" I wait for a response that doesn't come. "So now you have nothing to say?"

"I'm sorry! Okay? I'm so sorry. And I'm pathetic for showing up at your door like this. But you have to believe me when I say that I have feelings for you. Real feelings. But we-"

"Just can't be together?" I finish. "Yea, you've already said that."

"You have to understand."

"Get out." I say sternly and her face crumples.

"Emma, you're breaking my heart."

"Yea, well you've already broken mine." I say before going to hold the door open for her. She leaves without fighting.

I break down after she's gone.

X

I think she's cute, sickeningly adorable even. She's angry with me, and I take my time to fix things only because I'm fond of the way she lets me know I'm in the doghouse. She pretends to read her book and glances up at me ever so often to see if I'm looking at her. I don't think she sees that I've caught on to her.

"I'm sorry." I finally say.

She shrugs as if it's not a big deal. "Sorry about what?" She says nonchalantly as she flips a page.

I smile and let out a scoff before I gently reach over and close her book. I push it to the side and wait until she's looking at me in the eyes. "About the other day... I know you were looking for me to come to your defense because you didn't deserve to be dismissed like you were the help or something."

"I'll never win against her will I?" And suddenly the air seems thick. I drop my gaze without answering, but it seems my silence is a good enough answer for her regardless. "Yea, I was expecting that... what is it that she has and I don't?" She asks suddenly.

I ponder her question momentarily. There's only one thing I can think of really. "My... she has my heart." I answer honestly.

X

I find myself sitting in the café where Ruby and I met for the first time outside of work. I haven't seen her since the other day, nor have I seen you and oddly enough things have been rather calming without you two.

It's like I had forgotten what solitude meant and how much I long for it from time to time. I sip on my hot chocolate and I stare out the window. It's raining today and I like to see how the raindrops fall helplessly down the windowpane. It gives me something nonsensical to focus my attention on.

I get a little lost.

  
"My name is Regina Mills, and I like cats regrettably. I hate the color orange and I'm not as healthy as I lead on." I look to find you sitting right in front of me soaking wet. "I don't like going to the beach because of the sand, it gets everywhere, but I love gazing at the ocean. I paint sometimes." She continues softly. "I'm missing something... am I missing something?" You look up at me with question in yours eyes and I merely shrug before I fix my glasses.

"I-I don't know why you're telling me all of this."

"Because, the other night when I left your place I realized that you don't even know the most mundane things about me nor do I about you. And it hurt me because we were friends before I messed everything up and I still managed to avoid knowing you. So..." her eyes roam a bit as she thinks and I can see her teeth chatter. "I've been in love twice, once with a man named Daniel and now you."

"Regina you're going to get sick."

"So? Let me get sick." You smile softly at me. "I need to say this."

I want to protest but I don't. I let you continue.

"I was hurt in my last relationship, and not in a conventional way. He didn't cheat or play mind games with me... he- he died. I mean- I killed him."

My eyes widen and she puts up her hands to try to calm me. "Not on purpose it was car. He had said something and I can't remember what it was. But I looked over at him for a split second, I swear, and when my eyes focused back on the road it was already too late. I only remember seeing his body lying across from me with shards of glass piercing his skin, blood was everywhere and he had an aimless gaze in his eyes. The paramedics pronounced him dead on the spot, and I-"

You clench your eyes shut and I'm too stunned to offer you any type of condolences. But I feel like if I were to get up and come over to you, you won't be able to finish. So I let you speak.

"I don't know why I got to live. It was my fault, Emma. I did a horrible thing, and I lost the person I loved. And- and that's why I- can't lose you too. I know I did a horrible thing to you, and I do love you. I'm just afraid... but I can't, Emma I can't lose you too."

I'm at your side pulling you into my embrace. My heart breaks but not for me, for you this time. I don't notice the looks we're getting, nor do I care. "Emma please, I want to try. I can't lose you too."

And I agree immediately, it's all I've ever wanted from you. I place a kiss on her head and hold her a little tighter. "I loved you too Regina." I whisper in her ear, and she finds my lips and melts into this kiss. 

**Author's Note:**

> I don't think Regina should've gotten Emma and I may write an alternate ending, one with a more fair result... In the real story (what happened with me), the ending isn't so gracious. But that's just life for you... This writing style is completely different for me so I'm not sure if I really captured all the emotions I meant to portray, but I still hope you enjoyed it. Thanks for reading.


End file.
